i'm signing you up for texting rehab
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
