Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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