drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
