So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
