so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
