Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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