it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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