We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize