So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
