I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
