Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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