I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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