I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
