Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
