You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
