I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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