No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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