I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
