I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
