thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
