Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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