Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
