all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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