my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
