Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
