She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
