He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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