do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
