I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
