just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
