I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
