i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
