here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
