Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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