I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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