I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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