my mouth tastes like poor choices
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
