They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize