I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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