I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
