your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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