Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
