i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
