Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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