my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
