i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
