Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
