And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
