I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
