Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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