I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
