I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
