I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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