remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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