Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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