If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
