There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
