i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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