It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
