After last night, I could never be a politician.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it hurts more in the daytime
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
