i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
