yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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